Personal Essays

Leaning In, My Way

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I dove into back into work after my daughter was born. As a motherless mother, I soon realized I'd made the wrong choice.

Back in the Saddle Again

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My teenaged son stored his bike after a friend's fatal riding accident. One year on, I still wanted to hold onto him tight but was also ready for him to move forward.

Stuck in My Throat

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I don’t have many regrets. But not thanking the man so influential in my early adulthood is a big one.

Picture Imperfect

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The day after a dear friend's death, I captured on camera my first 24 hours without her.

Store Credit

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In the aftermath of my husband's death, my friends bought me potted plants. I promptly returned them — unable to contemplate caring for another living thing. Fourteen years on, what would it mean to use my credit at the florist?

Divorce as Primer

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I became a divorcée at 29. Months later, my mother suddenly died. The isolation I felt after my marriage ended gave me the tools to deal with her loss.

Land of Enchantment

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After my ex-boyfriend's death, would returning to our New Mexico — where we had shared a life — unleash my grief?

The Half Life of Love

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Our first real date was on Valentine’s Day 10 years ago. Many times in the five years since my partner died, I’ve flashed back to that day when we became, officially, more than just friends.

A Day for Lovers, Without Mine

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On my first Valentine’s Day without Evelyn, I spent hours paging through old photographs. Those pictures speak to our love and her resolve, but they don’t tell the whole story.

No Man’s Land

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Between the time we decided to stop treatment and the time my baby son died, I felt desperately alone — pulled between my ‘cancer family’ still fighting to save their children and the bereaved families on the other side of this battle.

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Missing Dad on Super Bowl Sunday

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I could care less about football, but my late father loved it. And on the weekend of the big game, I feel his absence acutely.

The Voicemail Afterlife

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My grandma called daily and, I sometimes sent her to voicemail — rationalizing that I was just too busy to pick up. In the wake of her death, I cherish those recordings.

Looking Up at El Capitan

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Dying while doing what we love is how we’d all like to go out. But as I watched my friends risk everything for the thrill of the climb, I felt compelled to remind them of the difference between challenge and folly.

When Everything Scared Me

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After my parents died in a plane crash, there was grief, pain and loneliness. But above all, there was fear — until there wasn’t.

Losing Grandma Twice

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Dementia stole my grandmother long ago, leaving me to mourn her all over again when she died years later.

Older Than She Was

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I’ve officially lived longer than my mother did. Only now, on the other side, have I come to understand the life she lived.

My First Real World AIDS Day

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My father died of AIDS 22 years ago. For more than two decades, I avoided World AIDS Day. This year, I'm owning my history. Here's why.

Small Screen Refuge

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To distract ourselves from Dad's fatal diagnosis, my brother and I planted ourselves in front of the TV — inhaling a steady diet of "The Jetsons" and "The Dating Game."

Thanksgiving After Jack

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A few weeks before Thanksgiving, my 12-year-old son went out to play in the rain and never came home. That year, everything about the holiday just felt wrong.

On Thanksgiving, Hitting the ‘Reset’ Button

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We never had any holiday traditions, like the ones you see on TV. But in my mom's absence — and in her honor — I'm creating some.

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