My Loss

Oliver Sacks’ Brain, on Music

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What did we see inside the brain of the most famous neurologist in the world?

Wills and Grace

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The long-delayed process of drafting my will was even more painful than I expected. We don’t really need this, I kept thinking. Doing a will is for other people. People who die.

Close to the Clouds

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My husband's ashes in tow, I summited the mountain we'd loved to bring him 'home'. I found my own solace there, amongst the trees and solid rock.

Could Everybody Stop Trying to Pretty Up Death? It’s Not Working.

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Language that denies the mess of death also denies the grieving the chance to be messy.

How My Brother’s Death Saved My Life

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After watching Nick die of skin cancer at age 22, I was determined to clean up my act.

In Praise of Public Grief

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A friend and I created mourning notices for two victims we did not know, and we hung them throughout Jerusalem. Here’s why — and what happened next.

‘Sit Still and Uncover your Eyes’

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After my 9-year-old son's sudden death, I am forced to choose life — sometimes several times a day.

Don’t Say Nothing

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And 7 other things to remember when a loved one reveals they are terminally ill.

Not Set in Stone

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It’s been 10 years since my boyfriend died, but his grave bears no headstone with his name on it. He deserves better.

Guess Who’s (Not) Coming to Dinner?

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A menu of six ways to navigate the social chit chat minefield while living with loss.

Jeff Schmaltz newsroom

The Long Arc of My Mentor’s Impact

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Jeff Schmalz was my advocate in the newsroom — and the first openly gay man I knew. Even years after his death, his influence on my life takes on new forms.

This Side of Paradise

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Hawaiian cemetery picnics have long been a family tradition, but one I have resisted since my father died.

Father-Daughter Death Spiral

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My mother's and grandfather's simultaneous illnesses challenged their shared worldview that the world could be managed.

My Sudden-Onset Only Child Syndrome

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I always defined myself as an older sister to a younger brother. But after his sudden death in our 40s, I'm struggling to identify as an only child.

Grief: There’s No Comparison

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We may try size up our grief to justify the depth of our pain, or to remind ourselves that it could be worse. But trying to determine a hierarchy does no one any good.

The Future, Without Me

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I am a happily married mother of two young children and I have terminal lung cancer. These days, I’m consumed with curiosity — and worry — about what my husband’s and children’s lives will look like after I’m gone.

David Carr’s ‘Lasting Totem’

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The writer David Carr thought of me like a son. When he died, he left me with a trove of fatherly wisdom, courtesy of Gmail.

After My Daughter’s Death, On Guilt and Apologies

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In the year since cancer took my little girl's life, I find myself saying 'I'm sorry.' For not being able to save her, for surviving her death, and for simply being 'sorrowful.'

Are You My Papi?

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As a young man, I lost my father to AIDS-related illness. Now I search for echoes of him in the men I choose to love.

My Dad, Forever a Stranger

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For 16 years I had no relationship with my father, a devoted Scientologist. When he died, I realized just how little I knew about him — and he about me.

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