My Loss

A Day for Lovers, Without Mine

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On my first Valentine’s Day without Evelyn, I spent hours paging through old photographs. Those pictures speak to our love and her resolve, but they don’t tell the whole story.

No Man’s Land

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Between the time we decided to stop treatment and the time my baby son died, I felt desperately alone — pulled between my ‘cancer family’ still fighting to save their children and the bereaved families on the other side of this battle.

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Missing Dad on Super Bowl Sunday

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I could care less about football, but my late father loved it. And on the weekend of the big game, I feel his absence acutely.

The Voicemail Afterlife

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My grandma called daily and, I sometimes sent her to voicemail — rationalizing that I was just too busy to pick up. In the wake of her death, I cherish those recordings.

Looking Up at El Capitan

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Dying while doing what we love is how we’d all like to go out. But as I watched my friends risk everything for the thrill of the climb, I felt compelled to remind them of the difference between challenge and folly.

When Everything Scared Me

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After my parents died in a plane crash, there was grief, pain and loneliness. But above all, there was fear — until there wasn’t.

Losing Grandma Twice

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Dementia stole my grandmother long ago, leaving me to mourn her all over again when she died years later.

Second-Hand Grief

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Would the love of my life — reeling from the loss of her mother — ever be happy again?

Wild, Like Me

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In a sold-out movie theater, watching the film based on Cheryl Strayed's bestseller, I saw my own experience with mother loss play out on the big screen.

Older Than She Was

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I’ve officially lived longer than my mother did. Only now, on the other side, have I come to understand the life she lived.

My First Real World AIDS Day

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My father died of AIDS 22 years ago. For more than two decades, I avoided World AIDS Day. This year, I'm owning my history. Here's why.

Small Screen Refuge

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To distract ourselves from Dad's fatal diagnosis, my brother and I planted ourselves in front of the TV — inhaling a steady diet of "The Jetsons" and "The Dating Game."

Thanksgiving After Jack

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A few weeks before Thanksgiving, my 12-year-old son went out to play in the rain and never came home. That year, everything about the holiday just felt wrong.

On Thanksgiving, Hitting the ‘Reset’ Button

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We never had any holiday traditions, like the ones you see on TV. But in my mom's absence — and in her honor — I'm creating some.

Learning To Quiet My Mind

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After my young son's death, yoga and meditation changed the shape of my grief.

Closing My Eyes, Seeing My Father

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I refused to look at my dad in the morgue — a decision I came to second-guess. Then my father showed up in my dreams.

Around the World, Ashes in Tow

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After watching cancer kill my father, I booked a one-way 'tribute trip' overseas. I don't know when I'll be ready to return.

Close to Death

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I had just given birth to my third child and was training for a half-marathon when I had a heart attack. And as I lay in my hospital bed, I could hear the woman in the next room dying.

Hurricane Sandy’s Human Toll

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Don't tell me hard it was to get to work during "superstorm" Sandy, or how long you lived without power. The hurricane killed my father right before my eyes.

It’s Halloween: Trigger Treat

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Halloween imagery takes on new meaning in the wake of my father’s suicide.

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