Personal Essays

Coming Out of the Grief Closet

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I'm a bereavement 'expert' who publicly hid my feelings after going from pregnant to grieving in a matter of hours. Until now.

Workshopping My Grief

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My classmates were poring over my essay about my grandmother’s murder. As a writer, I’ve never felt more vulnerable.

Cleaning a Home after Loss with Avoidance and Humor

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After my mother died, I could barely bring myself to go through her belongings. Here's how I got through it.

Lost, Not Found

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After entering foster care, I got used to losing physical things. But my mother's death isn't a loss -- it's an event, an experience that defies language.

Meet Patricia, Aunt Esther’s Amazon Alter Ego

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It was only after my aunt's death that I really got to know her -- through hundreds of Amazon.com product reviews.

Chicken Chow Found

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I've spent years attempting to rebuild my dad's favorite recipe. And with a simple wok, I've connected our family with him anew.

Signs Of Life

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I'm an EMT volunteer who knew the paramedics 'working my mother.' Finally reboarding an ambulance a year after her death, I discovered a new dimension to my service.

Choosing Legoland

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My mother lay dying mere weeks after my husband's death. But this time, I had some control over how my family experienced the loss.

Wills and Grace

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The long-delayed process of drafting my will was even more painful than I expected. We don’t really need this, I kept thinking. Doing a will is for other people. People who die.

Close to the Clouds

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My husband's ashes in tow, I summited the mountain we'd loved to bring him 'home'. I found my own solace there, amongst the trees and solid rock.

Could Everybody Stop Trying to Pretty Up Death? It’s Not Working.

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Language that denies the mess of death also denies the grieving the chance to be messy.

How My Brother’s Death Saved My Life

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After watching Nick die of skin cancer at age 22, I was determined to clean up my act.

‘Sit Still and Uncover your Eyes’

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After my 9-year-old son's sudden death, I am forced to choose life — sometimes several times a day.

Not Set in Stone

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It’s been 10 years since my boyfriend died, but his grave bears no headstone with his name on it. He deserves better.

Jeff Schmaltz newsroom

The Long Arc of My Mentor’s Impact

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Jeff Schmalz was my advocate in the newsroom — and the first openly gay man I knew. Even years after his death, his influence on my life takes on new forms.

This Side of Paradise

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Hawaiian cemetery picnics have long been a family tradition, but one I have resisted since my father died.

Father-Daughter Death Spiral

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My mother's and grandfather's simultaneous illnesses challenged their shared worldview that the world could be managed.

My Sudden-Onset Only Child Syndrome

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I always defined myself as an older sister to a younger brother. But after his sudden death in our 40s, I'm struggling to identify as an only child.

Grief: There’s No Comparison

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We may try size up our grief to justify the depth of our pain, or to remind ourselves that it could be worse. But trying to determine a hierarchy does no one any good.

The Future, Without Me

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I am a happily married mother of two young children and I have terminal lung cancer. These days, I’m consumed with curiosity — and worry — about what my husband’s and children’s lives will look like after I’m gone.

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