Personal Essays

The Un-Telling

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I shared our pregnancy news early — asserting that I wanted my community with me in joy, but also in potential sorrow. Now that I had miscarried, there were so many calls to make.

How I Rediscovered My Professional Drive After a Stillbirth

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For “The Americans” costume designer, returning to work turned out to mean more than just punching the clock

How I Make Real Mom Friends After My Baby’s Death

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Bitching about parenthood anchors me to the present — and tests the waters for true connection.

Dude, Where’s My Grief?

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One guy’s journey through the murky territory of loss, and the map it has left behind.

My Childhood’s Signature Scent

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The smell of tobacco brings my late father — and his favorite vice — back into my airspace.

The Clenching Curse

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Those hips don't lie. Even in grief.

That Could Have Been Us

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It can be painful to see people so obviously in love when I’m breaking inside, but it’s not other young couples that make me fall apart.

My Grief is F*cking Funny

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Why I never pass up a chance to laugh my ass off. Especially when I'm grieving.

I Was the One Who Made It

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My mom lost two babies before I was born. Sometimes it felt like I was living for all three of us.

The Ugliest Side of Grief

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Jealousy is already a tough emotion to grapple with. Pairing it with a stillbirth brings out a whole new monster.

Take a Chance On Me

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Two days after my mom’s funeral, her friend Velma told me she had a surprise for me — and OMG, did she ever.  

The Show Must Go On

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My mom’s life went dark after cancer won out. But it didn’t mean my beloved theater-going had to as well.

Mother Loss and My Lyft Driver

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I had a five star ride -- but not for the reasons I'd expected.

It’s Hard To Rattle the Dead, But I’m Trying

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Aunt Sherrie died by suicide, leaving me her best leather boots and a Barbie collection for the ages. If only she could see those things now.

Saying No to the Fourth

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After my mother died July 4th weekend, I tried to keep celebrating the holiday with cookouts and fireworks — until I found a better way.

The World Cup My Mom Didn’t Live To See

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My late mother was an avid fan of the Peruvian national soccer team. This year “la Blanquirroja” is playing in its first World Cup in more than three decades. As I cheer them on, it’s impossible not to feel sadness and longing.

My Dad Was Dying While I Was Divorcing

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I vowed never to speak with my ex-husband again. Then my father was diagnosed with leukemia.

On Father’s Day, Grief Tastes Like Berry Cobbler

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When Dad was here, we made olallieberry jam on Father’s Day. Now that he’s gone, our sweet tradition has evolved. 

The Big Question and the Perfect Answer

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It isn't easy asking a dying person what they believe comes next. But my philosopher dad knew just what to say.

Into the Unknown

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My dead fiancé loved Anthony Bourdain. When I heard the beloved chef and TV personality had died, I imagined the two of them, finally, breaking bread.

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