Personal Essays

My Wedding Gown’s Last Dance

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In an excerpt from the new Modern Loss book, Lucy Kalanithi, the widow of "When Breath Becomes Air" memoirist Paul Kalanithi, describes leaving her bridal gown behind — in the most unconventional of settings.

The Billy Joel Concert That Saved Me

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By taking me to that show, what remained of my family in the aftermath of my son’s suicide was telling me, ‘Please come back to us. We still need you.’

The Lights and Lessons of Toro Nagashi, the Japanese Candle Boat Ceremony

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I missed a lifelong friend’s funeral. But I honored him all the same.

Vacant Seats

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I heard about Justice Scalia’s death at one of my last dinners with my beloved, if complicated, father. Months on, as the justice’s seat sat unfilled, so did Dad’s.

John Duberstein Nina Riggs Lucy Kalanithi Modern Loss

My Guide to Finding Love After Loss

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A totally conventional and easily followed roadmap to emotional transition, by the widower of "The Bright Hour" author.

What Triggers Me Isn’t What You Think It Is

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Old photos and anniversaries don’t do me in the way one sitcom theme song does.

I Was Given My Grandmother’s Name, But I Took Her Locket

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No matter how many stories I heard, my grandmother remained abstract to me. I needed something tangible to make my grandmother feel real to me.

The Museum of ‘Before’

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My mother's Facebook profile has become a small souvenir of life (and her) before she got sick.

Bereavement Group Dropout

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Around a table full of widow-baked cookies, I absorbed the most profound of all death clichés, and I was done.

My BFF Makes ‘Your Mom’ Jokes About My Dead Mom — and I Love Her for It

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And I love her for it.

Our Christmas Décor Became a Metaphor for My Grief

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What is the protocol for embroidering a Christmas story that stops abruptly in the second chapter?

The Hummingbirds Who Lightened My Grief

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When my daughter died, I hated the sun for rising without her. I wept as the world turned green and flowers burst open. But the backyard birds were a different story.

Unpacking That Last Box — Once and For All

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After my boyfriend died, I clung to his things as a way to stay close to him. Eventually, I realized I didn’t need to.

I Forgot the Anniversary of My Mom’s Death

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But there's one deathiversary that I can never put behind me.

Mizuko Kuyo: Japan’s Powerful Pregnancy Loss Ritual

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At a Buddhist temple far from home, this ceremony provided me solace.

The Lie We Tell Ourselves About Mental Health

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My mom's suicide taught me that there is no clear line dividing those who are of sound mind from those who are not.

Mom’s Memory Was My ‘Something Blue’

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How I incorporated my late mother into my wedding celebration. Plus, great tips for memorializing a loved one at your nuptials.    

Why I Love IKEA

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Shopping there is my wildly commercialized way of keeping my Swedish grandmother’s legacy alive. (Plus, family recipes for Swedish ginger snaps and coffee cake.)

Missing the Goodbye

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For immigrant families like mine, loss can mean mourning from a great distance.

This Funeral Changed How I Feel About Weddings

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Many clergy will admit they would rather perform a funeral than a wedding. I used to be one of them.

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